And All That Could Have Been
by Rogue Deceit
Summary: This is Book One: Fractures.  The doctor returns Ianto to Jack after his  death  only to find that there is far more then meets the eye, Ianto has been fractured into many parts, and Jack and the Ianti must figure out how to put things right
1. Book One: Fractures 001 Returning Home

…And All That Could Have Been

Book One: Fractures

**Alright, here come the obligatory warnings and disclaimers. This Fan Fiction is based on the wonderful world of Doctor Who and Torchwood. Yes, the Doctor makes a couple of small appearances but the overlying theme is Jack and Ianto. Yes, this happens after Ianto died… yes, that makes this AU… no… we didn't forget that Ianto died. I do not own Doctor Who, or Tochwood, because if I did, I wouldn't have to write fanfictions, I would be writing real shows. Anyway, point being, there is gayness in this story… Jack Harkness… need I say more? So if you don't like it, see ya latter bye. **

**Lastly, I hope you enjoy!**

**It is likely that this is going to be one of a string of stories based on this write up of these characters… so I hope you like them.**

**Chapter Note: Sorry, there isn't much Ianto in this chapter, but he I didn't forget him, promise!**

Chapter One:

_**Returning Home**_

The rubble fell from the roof, almost as if it were a rain, a rain of debris that should have been stopped over a year ago. They built over it, but they never filled in the hub below it. The street had been rebuilt, the monument had been rebuilt, the world had moved on and yet here he was, a year later, half a galaxy later, and he couldn't, he just couldn't. Blue eyes scanned upward towards the ceiling, giving a soft cough as some of the dust fell into his face.

Jack was dirty, from spending the last two days down here, digging through the rubble. He had been back here many times, to gather things that people shouldn't find, but the place was nearly rubble, there was no way of knowing if he had gotten it all. This time though, he didn't plan on leaving. He couldn't. He was one of those things that shouldn't be left in the hands of people. If he blew what remained of the rift reader, he could probably bury himself so deep in this place that he would never be found, and if he was, he could find another way to end this. Forever was becoming too impossible to him, the smiles that were lost, and the lives that slipped through his fingers like sand. In the end, he had no one that needed him to remain, in the end this was what the combined years of his life had become, sitting alone in the ruins of the hub.

A deep breath was taken through his nose and released through his mouth. He was afraid. He remembered what happened the last time he blew up, but he probably would have stayed dead in the rubble, or buried alive, if people hadn't come digging and looking for him. But the pain was what got him the worst of all, not just the pain of coming back, but the pain when it happened. He flipped open the wrist strap and pressed a couple of buttons, about to detonate, when the sudden sound rushed his ears.

The sound of metal on metal. The sound of breaks complaining under the weight of a lorry that didn't want to stop. And while it would grate the nerves and the ears of most people, it was usually the most beautiful sound Jack had ever heard. But not right now, right now it just broke his heart all the more. Why had he come? Did he come to stop Jack from doing this? And if so, why? Listless and empty blue eyes turned toward where the sound was echoing as the form began to appear… the TARDIS. The blue police phone box that was bigger on the inside and could travel to the farthest reaches of time and space, but at this point, even she couldn't travel far enough for him.

A discouraging sounding thump came from her and she started to disappear again. Jack's heart dropped for a moment before the sound of metal screeching shifted to another location, a few feet away.

Jack still remained where he was, once more debating pressing the button, but he wouldn't do that, not now, not while the TARDIS was trying to land, it seemed she didn't much care for the uneven ground, as she tried to land a second time, the same thump came from her and she once more started to disappear.

Third time however was a charm, and Jack watched as the four foot by four foot box found a place where a shelf had fallen and left a flat surface for the TARDIS to finally land on that was even enough for her to balance. And so this time when the thump came, it was not followed with the vanishing of the TARDIS, but rather announced that she had completely materialized.

"Good to hear your voice, old girl." Jack whispered softly, of course, he could have been accused of having a bit of an affair with the TARDIS back in the days; he always talked to her, much the way the Doctor did, used to drive Rose crazy. He leaned back against the pillar he was sitting in front of and let his hand close the wrist strap, the small bomb that was in his coat would, for now, go undetonated. He would smile, and nod, and play happy until the Doctor left.

The door opened and a head would pop out, Jack narrowed his eyes upon the figure. A companion maybe? He had never known the Doctor to only take a male companion… there was always a girl attached to the companions of the male persuasion with the Doctor. When the man stepped out further Jack blinked at his appearance. Suit pants, tweed jacket, pale pinkish button down, suspenders (which he did like), and a bowtie? Where did the Doctor find this fashion crisis? He glanced over him, crazy hair, not bad looking, and thin, tall, a little geeky looking.

"Captain." The man said sending Jack's eyes flashing back to him.

"Doctor?" Jack asked, he didn't sound as surprised as he was, but then again, Jack hadn't really felt much lately, he was just numb. Slowly he found himself rising, dusting off the shoulders of his coat as he walked over and looked over the man again. "What is with the fashion crisis?"

"What's wrong with my clothes?" The Doctor asked as if he were slightly irritated. Obviously Jack was not the first one to insult the attire.

"The bowtie? Really?" Jack asked.

"Bowties are cool." The Doctor responded relatively quickly. Clearly an answer he had given before. Jack laughed shaking his head. "Besides, you've got room to talk."

The Doctor reached out and tugged slightly on the lapel of the coat before dusting off the breast of it for him. For a moment he thought he saw something of pity, or sadness in the Doctor's eyes. But that look was one he often got from the Doctor. A look that said he was sorry for what Jack had become and what Jack would someday have to endure. A look that said he didn't know what to say to him.

However, as always that look was gone as quick as it had come on and the Doctor was off and moving about. Looking at the disaster area as if he had never seen it before, Jack supposed he hadn't. "What happened to you?" Jack asked. Of course, he wanted to know how he had been regenerated, but his thought was cut off when a voice came from inside of the TARDIS.

"Are we here? I thought you were taking me home?" Jack's heart dropped; he knew that voice. His eyes flashed over at the Doctor as if he were going to either run away, or stab him. The voice belonged to the one he had not yet managed to let go of. Ianto Jones. Jack stepped back away from the door and looked once more to the Doctor.

"That's right, that's why I am here. Sorry." The Doctor said, turning and heading back towards the TARDIS, Jack watched as he reached into the box and grabbed someone and pulled them out. Now face to face with the voice he heard inside he froze dead in his tracks seeing Ianto standing there, he was confused that much was clear. "Ianto Jones!" The doctor said as if he were rather proud of himself.

Jack had taken a step forward, but there was something wrong, as Ianto was pulled out of the TARDIS he was dressed as he had been when they first met, no suit, jeans, tee-shirt, jacket, handsome as ever, of course Jack always had a thing for the suit. It took a moment for Jack to realize what was wrong, Ianto wasn't playing coy, or unsure about if this was real… he was looking at Jack as if he didn't know him. The Doctor chimed up as if uncomfortable with the silence "Welcome home, this is Jack, you will remember him eventually."

"Eventually? What's wrong with him? Where did you get him?" Jack's voice rose slightly, for the moment Ianto was ignored because he couldn't force himself to believe or hope that Ianto was somehow still alive. "He died Doctor. He died in my arms. What game are you playing at?"

The Doctor looked at Jack rather incredulously as if he had been called all sorts of names (or as if he had been told being Almost The Doctor, was any good).

"I can take him to an earlier time if you'd like." He said with a strict sound to his voice that told Jack that he was displeased with him. Of course, if you go out of your way to bring your friends lover back to him and then get accused of playing games with him, you might be a bit irritated as well. "But then you are going to have to put him in cryo because he already exists, and then when you blow up you are going to kill him anyway."

Jack seemed to debate the Doctor for a few moments, watching him closely before finally his eyes softened and he took a breath.

"You're right." He agreed.

"Of course I am. I'm brilliant." The Doctor said before turning and heading back towards the TARDIS. Jack blinked as the other started towards the TARDIS, he wasn't really planning on dropping this bomb on him and then disappearing was he?

"Wait, hold it, you can't just drop this on me and then swan off!" Jack growled following after him, he would grab the other's arm and pull him back around, an odd move for Jack, one that left the Doctor glaring at him, as Jack and he were about the same height. There was a moment of standoff before the Doctor was the first to speak.

"I found him on Zeta 5, the most I can figure is that prolonged exposure to the rift somehow drew his energy away at the moment of death… but I am not sure how it happened exactly. I got a message for help when the Sontarians attacked Zeta 5, and someone told me about him, he was in the hospital. That was it. I recognized him and brought him back." The Doctor explained, but it was tense; the pair of them were tense.

"I thought you said he was a friend, because you really don't act like friends." A female voice came from the TARDIS as a pretty little red head waltzed out as if she owned the place, glancing around the rubble with a rather unimpressed look. "He promises me a super nova over the Elysium Belt, and what do I get a cave under Cardiff."

"And who are you?" Jack asked as he turned away from the Doctor and walked over, extending his hand to her. "Captain Jack Harkness."

"Amy Pond." The girl answered giving him the once over. "Like the coat."

"Amy is married." The Doctor said, his own hand taking Jack and Amy by the wrist and pulling their hands apart.

"I was just saying hello." Jack protested.

"I don't mind." Amy responded.

The Doctor rolled his eyes and started off again towards the TARDIS before stopping and glancing over at the rift manipulator, or what was left of it, pulling out the sonic screwdriver he would walk over and start taking readings. "That's not good, not good at all." The Doctor started babbling.

"What's not good?" Jack asked, looking over at it.

"Not stable, something's knocked it loose, probably whatever it was did this." The Doctor said gesturing to the destruction of the hub around them. Jack glanced around, that was right, the Doctor didn't know that what caused this was Jack blowing up, because ultimately the Doctor had not been here for the 456, and Jack often wondered why that was.

"Bomb." Was all Jack said.

"Not just, it would have taken a temporal bomb to do this, even UNIT doesn't have one of those, short of shoving a bomb in…. oh…" The Doctor said looking over at Jack and blinking.

"Oh what?" Amy pressed.

"They put the bomb in you." The Doctor finished, again that flash of sadness came across his eyes. Jack didn't answer. But it made since, the bomb inside blew all of his life energy outward… so he in effect became a temporal bomb… it was brilliant, but still.

"Yeah." Jack said, the moments of clear understanding of the extent of Jack's abilities between he and the Doctor were often slightly tense. Amy stood, looking between the pair very confused.

"If they put a bomb in him…."

"Can't die." The Doctor said to her passively, as if that were something you heard normally every day… people that can't die.

"At all?" Amy asked. The Doctor gave her a slight glare as if to say this was not the time. Jack on the other hand just shrugged it off, that was the typical response when people found out about him after all. He glanced over at Ianto, just to make sure he had not gotten into trouble, finding him wandering a little he would look back to the Doctor.

"So it's unstable, can we fix it? The manipulator is gone, but the rift reader is still functioning." Jack said, not sure of course if that would be any help at all.

"I can use the TARDIS to fix it, well patch it more like… more like… loosely stitch it… yes." The doctor said as he walked over taking more readings with the sonic screwdriver before looking at the results.

"Hey, direct line to the system." Jack said tossing his wrist strap to him, very few would ever get to see that thing up close let alone handle it. The doctor smiled brightly opening it and pushing the sonic into it, using it as an interface.

"Oh! He has a vortex manipulator like River!" Amy said coming over and looking over the Doctor's shoulder. "Wait, why does he have a vortex manipulator?"

"Who is River?" Jack asked.

"That's the million dollar question isn't it?" The doctor responded as he continued to fiddle with the wrist strap and the manipulator.

"She can't be a time agent… they are all gone, how did she get one?" Jack asked.

"I sometimes find it is better not to ask." The doctor said looking at Jack for a moment, as if debating that logic before nodding and going back to his work. Jack too seemed to think on that, it was not like the Doctor not to ask about something, in fact, it was almost painfully unlike him… but he bit his tongue on that for now. His mind was only half on the doctor and half on the amnesia ridden Ianto that was wandering around.

The doctor continued tinkering with his work, not bothering with much talk. Jack and Amy stood by watching as he took some more reading and then flipped the wrist strap closed. "Now just give it a little time to cook, and she should be good to go." He said, holding onto the strap for now in case he needed it.

"Don't wander too far Ianto, this place isn't stable." Jack said, looking back at the other as he wandered around, watching him a few moments longer, Ianto turned and nodded to him, but kept wandering nonetheless, maybe looking for a way out of this cave like structure that looked as if it were going to collapse on them at any moment. "Doctor, where were you? For the 456, you have been here for the most obscure things, but something like that happens and you are nowhere to be found?"

The question almost seemed to come out of left field, causing the Doctor to blink at him, that blink soon turning to a scowl. "There are a great many other planets in the universe other then earth. I cannot be on all of them at once, and while I have a personal affection for the earth, every now and then she needs to handle things on her own. I can't always save it." His tone was sharper then Jack was accustomed too, which caused him to step back a pace and regard him. His jaw setting and arms crossing in that way that they often did when he was upset about something.

"Um… friends remember?" Amy said again, clearing her throat at the sudden tension between the pair of them. "Um, what's a 456?"

"Don't you remember? The government planning to give up 10% of the world's children?" Jack asked looked at her.

"Nope." Amy said looking at him like he was crazy, the doctor didn't say anything. He only turned his attention back to his work when Jack turned his attention towards Amy, he knew that Jack was angry with him, but he also knew that Jack would get over it to do what had to be done. Jack turned his attention away from Amy, still a little too irritated to get into rhetoric about the 456, particularly what he had to do for his part in it.

The doctor took out the strap again to make a few more readings, pushing the sonic into it a line of glowing symbols appeared on a projected screen from it. Jack watched the numbers and symbols, but even he couldn't keep up completely with the readings at the rate that the Doctor was. As abruptly as the symbols had started they stopped as the Doctor snapped the strap closed, terminating the transmission entirely before tucking the sonic screwdriver back into his pocket.

"There. That should keep it quiet until someone else goes blundering into the crack. I can't be here to stop it up every time something happens." Shifting to Jack, the strap was offered back out to him before facing him seriously. "It's because they don't need me here." Seeing as Jack had never asked the question, never probed deeper into the Doctor's prior statement about not being here. "They've got you. And the one time since you took up a place here that you lot really needed me, you just used the phone."

Granted, it had been a bit more complicated than just picking up the phone and dialing, rather it involved entire dimensions being crossed to make it happen, but it had happened and earth was put back where it was supposed to be, but the point was the same, the Doctor had come when he was truly needed.

"Besides there is always some version of me floating around out there somewhere you can get a hold of at the very least. I am never that far away."

Jack didn't seem satisfied with that answer, but didn't argue, of course he didn't think the world revolved completely around him, but after what he had to do, the idea that someone might have been able to stop it, to stop Ianto from being… well.. killed… sort of. Or stop Steven from having to die, it was overwhelming to him, because the wounds, while healing, were still raw.

"Do you still have the phone that Martha gave you? The one we used to call you when the Dalek stole the planet?" Jack asked as he took the wrist strap and buckled it back onto his arm. Jack just couldn't stay mad at the crazy bastard though, he understood the way the Doctor worked, what he didn't like was the Doctor thinking that he wasn't needed here.

"There has always been a phone in the TARDIS." The doctor said when he asked about the phone, of course it didn't help that Jack hadn't known the number. It wasn't like they left each other on `here's my phone number` terms when the Doctor abandoned him.

"It's true, Winston Churchill calls him on it, and Marilyn Monroe… that one time." Amy piped up, her exuberance made him chuckle, he couldn't help it, she was still young and so excited, it was little wonder why the Doctor kept her around. It also didn't pass Jack's attention that the Doctor blushed some, shifting his weight from foot to foot a little awkwardly, hand coming into the hair at the back of his neck.

"She fancied me." The doctor said bashfully. "I am not always good at answering my phone though, so there are other ways of getting in touch with me if you need t—"

"The Psychic Paper - how does River do that by the way?" Amy asked, only to be met with a slightly irritated look from the Doctor, it was hard to be brilliant when Amy kept finishing his sentences for him. Either way he chose not to elaborate on that form of communication, either he didn't feel it was needed, or he had no idea how River did, which was irritating all on its own.

Jack walked over, extending his hand to the Doctor. "I have to sort this whole thing out with Ianto, gives me something to keep going for... tell you the truth, I was just about ready to blow out the final support and burry myself down here. And don't say that the earth doesn't need you... I am no replacement, and it seems lately all I do is get people killed... they need you... I need you..." He said, letting his eyes slip down to the floor of the hub.

"You've had to make some ..terrible decisions, and for that I'm very sorry. That comes with saving people. Don't try to tell yourself there is anything that I could have done differently with the 456. Decisions like that..it's a burden very few people have to handle... but you do have friends, and people who care about you to help you with it." His eyes trained reflexively toward Ianto...before they fell, realizing that he wasn't there. "..Who have mysteriously vanished at the moment, but couldn't have gone far."

Jack suddenly looked around and realized that the Doctor was right, Ianto had vanished, he frowned slightly, his brow knitting together. It did often happen though, when Jack was with the Doctor, everything else ceased to matter.

"Ugh! What part of don't wander too far is hard to understand!" Jack huffed before blinking a couple of times, looking over to the Doctor. "I sound like you."

For a moment he looked serious again. ``The 456, I don't know that anything could have been done differently, I guess part of me just wished I had someone else to blame... I'm sorry; I shouldn't have come at you for that." He said softly. He flipped open his strap, just checking the life signs to make sure that Ianto hadn't fallen through the rift again.

"See! I am always telling people that! And I have never been able to find someone who actually listens." The doctor exclaimed opting to ignore the apology and just let it go, it was not needed.

"Oi! And I've saved your stupid head more times than I care to count because of my wandering off!" Amy interjected, a melodramatic sigh was given, but he didn't argue Amy's statement, instead watching Jack as he checked his strap, which would clearly show the three of them, another back in the TARDIS, and absolutely no one else within one hundred yards. He'd apparently gone through the rift recently, though, so tracking him down, particularly in a city as small as Cardiff, shouldn't be a problem for an old hat at it like Jack.

"I put the number in there." The Doctor said it went without saying that it wasn't to be shared; much like the number Martha had used to contact him on multiple occasions or taken lightly. A direct line to the Doctor's TARDIS was more than enough for several dozen civilizations to go to war over, the human race included. "You've got him, I assume?" It wasn't a blatant request for permission to go, but it was strongly underlined. The universe was a big place, and the Doctor didn't make a habit of staying anywhere long. He also wouldn't ask if Jack was all right. People like them never (and always) were.

"He isn't too far, I've got him." He glanced at the one (technically two) life forms in the TARDIS, knowing one of them to be the TARDIS itself. "You are harboring one more? Is she shy?" He asked himself and a scant few others the Doctor almost always traveled with women, so it wasn't too far off to guess that it might be a she.

"No, that's my husband -" Amy said leaning toward Jack, her voice dropped conspiratorially. "..Long night, sleeping in -"

The doctor made a sudden sound of aghast interjection, clearly mortified. "Why do you say things like that -"

"Oh, please, 908 and you act like you're 9!"

"I can remember when you were nine!"

"Actually, it's more like you're six."

"..We're going - Captain," A brief nod was given in farewell before he turned, grabbing Amy by the elbow and beginning to frog march her back to the TARDIS.

"Do Time Lords not have sex? How do they make little Time Lords? You were grown, weren't you?" Amy interjected as she was brought towards the TARDIS and pushed inside.

Jack laughed watching the two of them bicker there way off towards the TARDIS. "Amy... he has been with you since he changed? Means he's a likely virgin all over again... be gentle with him." He called out after them. He would wait for them to vanish before setting out to find Ianto before the poor guy got himself in trouble.


	2. Book One: Fractures 002 The Ghost of You

And All That Could Have Been

Book One: Fractures

Chapter Two: The Ghost of You

_**((AN: Thank you for all of the support and reading, I am so happy to see that people like this story! I would like to urge people to PLEASE review, I am interested in knowing what people think about it :D. I would like to state that constructive reviews are what I am looking for, but anyone is welcome to put in their two cents. Thanks again for reading.))**_

The smell of salt air. That was what had really drawn Ianto up and out of the wreckage, that, and the world suddenly seemed very small down there. Amy had told him that it was what happened when you spent a few days with the Doctor, even if he didn't leave the TARDIS for that time. Ianto wasn't really sure that he understood what was going on, he was confused, and didn't remember anything before waking up in that hospital with the Doctor telling him he was bringing him home.

Ultimately though, Ianto hadn't gone very far, just across the Wharf to a pub that was only beginning to fill up for the nights work. Ianto couldn't remember where he was going, but he was simply beating a path that felt familiar to him, for all of the discomfort he felt when arriving at the bay, it seemed natural that he would inevitably retreat from it. His mind was a jumble of memories that he couldn't pull up, seeming as if he were looking and listening to them through water. Slowly he sank into a seat and rested his head on his elbows and stared blankly at the mirror that was located behind the bottles. Trying to grasp for anything that he could manage to pull into his mind.

Some of the memories he did vaguely recall he thought might have actually been nightmares, but it was hard to judge reality when you spent the last few days with a mad man in a box that was bigger on the inside and traveled through time and space. It was possible that this encounter might have skewed his perception on reality just slightly.

In his reverie he had nearly entirely ignored the bar tender, who now cleared her throat to get his attention.

"What'll you have handsome?" She asked when his eyes finally shifted from the mirror to her.

"Oh, I haven't any money." He said realizing suddenly that fact, he stiffened slightly and flushed some, clearly embarrassed that he had not thought of that sooner.

"Gin and Tonic." The voice came from behind him, one he recognized. It seemed that Jack had followed him from the wreckage after all. He wasn't sure why it made him feel a little lighter. Jack crossed whatever space there had been and sat next to him, clapping him lightly on the shoulder. "And a bourbon on the rocks for me."

Ianto turned his gaze upon Jack, silently working out this man in his mind, trying to find the importance of him. He said nothing further until the tender arrived with their drinks.

"The Doctor told me I used to work for Torchwood. I know what happened at Canary Wharf. If I was working for them, I'm not sure I want to remember who I am, much less who you are. Lot of people are probably better off for it." A long drink was taken, nearly emptying the glass in a single gulp and leaving only a fifth in the bottom when he set it back down.

"There are a lot of people that I wish could forget me Ianto Jones. A lot of people I wish I had never put in harm's way... people that would probably be alive right now if they had never met me." He said into his drink once they bartender left again. "Torchwood is no longer, so there is no going back there even if you wanted too... for now, it is just me. And my only priority has been keeping the government officials from having Gwen assassinated for what she knows."

It seemed in Ianto's nature to listen. Listen without interrupting. He had no real memory that this was his role before, Jack's confidant, but it was just in his nature to listen without judgment.

His jaw tightened at the clear pain wafting off of the other man, but he did not speak, or take any action of comforting, trying to swallow down the uncomfortable feeling that was tangled up in his chest. It was almost as if it were an instinct to keep this man from being in pain. But that was something he couldn't convey, couldn't close to understand, and in the end, the emotional reaction to Jack was only furthering the confusion he was feeling, which manifested itself in the form of angry pessimism. "..So what, you're here to protect me now from being assassinated over stuff I might remember one day too?"

"No, you're listed as dead." He said softly glancing over at him, those brilliant blue eyes holding Ianto's pain lingering there. "You are dead... in this time... I don't know when or how you ended up on Zeta 5, but I watched you die... in my arms... and it was all my fault... maybe the best thing I can do is bring you to Gwen and keep the two of you as far away from me as possible."

Ianto debated these words, but he could tell that this realization was hurting Jack, for some reason he just couldn't seem to remember, but also he could tell that Jack was dead serious as well. "The problem is... I don't know if I am strong enough to do that... to let you go and never see you again"

Ianto couldn't hold Jack's eyes for long; they slipped away quickly and focused back on his drink. He didn't seem fazed by anything Jack had said, then again, Ianto had always been a hard one to shake, which had likely had something to do with his being recruited into Torchwood 1 to begin with.

"It was a virus. Not like the flu or chicken pox, the nurses said it was..boiling my insides, it's what they think caused the brain damage. It only stopped after they took me off life support and I went under with it. I've still got it, funny thing about viruses, they stay in your DNA permanently after you get it. But it's possible I never actually died, I was just that far gone. They had never seen anything like it. You told the Doctor you were infected too?"

Jack listened to Ianto as he explained the virus, and mused over the reason that he was still alive even after Jack had died, and how the nurses of Zeta 5 cured it. Jack took a drink of the bourbon before placing the glass down, letting his head fall slightly as he spoke.

``Yeah, the virus was developed by an alien race, we call them the 456, but I don't know their actual name. Some odd 200 people were exposed because you and I challanged them... and of that 200 only you and I survived.`` He said softly. ``It's complicated... but I can't die is the short of it.``

Jack's gaze watched his own, and Ianto could tell he was trying to gage Ianto's reaction to his words. In typical Ianto fashion, he took the information wordlessly, simply absorbing it. His gaze had shifted aside to study Jack as he spoke, but his eyes immediately shot away when Jack's scrutiny returned to him, almost as if he was reluctant to allow himself to be caught watching him. Tightening his jaw for a moment, he simply drank down the rest of his gin and tonic and pushed the glass faintly out in front of him. "Nearly 200 people died because of us, then. And you think it's actually worth it for me to remember who I am?"

"Ten percent." Jack said looking back into his glass again. "That is what the 456 wanted. Ten percent of the Children of Earth... and the Earth was going to give them to them. And you, brilliant ballsy Ianto Jones, you convinced me to stand up to them. 200 people died, you died, but in the end, you gave me the strength do what had to be done to save the Children."

He said softly a grin offered as he looked sidelong at the other. "That is what happens with Torchwood... sometimes people died, sacrifices were made, but it was always for the greater good... for Cardiff anyway... Torchwood as a general whole... were corrupt nearly from the very start."

"I gave you the strength," His voice was tempered as he repeated the exact words that Jack had used, gaze finally shifting up to him and lingering, hesitant but actually willing to meet his gaze for the first time. "Were we..."

Color flushed Ianto's cheeks, though it would be hard to see in the dim lighting of the bar. Those pale eyes seemed suddenly very focused upon his empty glass for a moment. He hadn't thought of himself as gay, even traveling in the TARDIS with two men, however, he didn't really know anything about himself either so it was hard to know. "I'm sorry if that's inappropriate, and we just worked together, I just... it feels like there was something more."

"Oh it was so much more then what you're thinking." Jack chuckled. "Unfortunately, It took me too long to realize that... So, I am going to do one last thing for you."

Jack turned his attention to Ianto, giving him his full attention as he took out what appeared to be a small Altoids box and placed it on the bar in front of him.

"I am going to tell you everything. Every bloody and brilliant detail... and then I'm going to give you this, and let you decide if you want to remember." He said pulling out a small white pill and placing it on the bar in front of Ianto. "It's called Retcon. It makes you forget, this one pill will wipe the entire day from your memory... so what do you say? Come back to mine, and let me explain... there are a lot of things I shouldn't explain in a crowded pub."

Ianto's eyes trailed slowly down the pill that had been placed on the bar in front of him, lingering as he debated the words that Jack had spoken, explaining what the pill would do if Ianto took it. Ianto wasn't sure that he wanted to know everything, not sure that he was ready for it yet, but having the options of not remembering, of having this memory erased and going back to ignorant bliss was somewhat comforting at least. He reached out carefully, gingerly picking up the pill between his thumb and forefinger, determining that if this pill did indeed do what Jack said it did, it probably shouldn't be left sitting on the bar in public anymore then what Jack was saying shouldn't be said in public. Ianto palmed the pill and nodded his head to Jack as he got up from the seat.

"Thank you; I wasn't sure what I actually drink." Ianto said to Jack.

"We don't have to do this now if you are not ready too." Jack said softly after watching Ianto working through all of this information. He knew there was a chance it could be a bit much for him. When Ianto came to his feet, Jack did as well, before reaching into his pocket and tossing a few pounds down on the counter for the tender to pay for the drink. "Actually I've never seen you drink anything stronger then a beer, and an occasional glass of wine on more intimate occasions, but I thought a Gin and Tonic was in order... you looked like you needed a real drink."

Ianto smirked slightly as if he had already begun to suspect that he wasn't naturally a heavy drinker, he ducked his head a fraction and stood until Jack started towards the door, following into step behind him.

"And randomly, I really do love that coat." Ianto said softly. Nothing was said about his tolerance for liquor, not exactly wanting to admit that he already was feeling the beginning inklings of a buzz off the one drink. He'd just have to make a mental note of not making pub visiting a habit; at least not until he could remember his limits, anyway.

Jack turned back to him walking out the door, flashing him one of those brilliant Jack Harkness smiles when he said that he loved his coat, eventually he would hopefully remember that those words had been some of the first words he ever spoke to Jack.

"Yeah, you'll probably be feeling that... but it might make listening easier." He said with a wink. He had to stop himself from offering his hand back to the other, rather keeping them in his pants pockets for the moment... not that Jack was careful with his sexuality, but it was probably best not to hit Ianto with the `we had been fucking for three years and dating for two before you died` speech just yet. Ianto probably wouldn't have been positive that what was Jack had been doing (even at the point of his death, he had been going through a period of insecurity when it came to their relationship, a fact he had even expressed to his sister) if he had actually offered him his hand. When Jack had not verbally responded to the comment about his attire but grinned instead, something in Ianto's gut twisted reflexively and he caught himself forcing his eyes away again to school his expression back into one that was passive. "First you tell me that we're effectively responsible for two hundred deaths not too long ago, give me an amnesia pill, and now you're admitting that you knowingly contributed to my possibly becoming drunk. Charming."

"You'll learn to love it." He said about his strange way of dealing with things as they got into the cab. He gave the cabby the address and rode in relative silence, letting Ianto soak in the surroundings, letting anything maybe spur a memory so he didn't have to watch the look in Ianto's eyes when he explained. "You hungry? I could order pizza..." It was a soft cue, since Ianto was almost always ordering Pizza for the crew, maybe he would remember something little and stupid like what kind of Pizza he liked... Jack let him mull over it as he unlocked the door and moved upstairs, from the outside the building was not much to look at, but after a brief cargo lift ride, the doors opened to something suiting of Jack. A bit more extravagant then the simple room he kept at Torchwood. High ceilings, hard wood floors, it was for the most part a one room, but one huge room, the bedroom sectioned off by beveled glass panels that were not easily seen through, the living room area set up to the right, kitchen to the left, bathroom off of the bedroom... he deactivated the alarm and stepped in, pulling off the beloved coat and throwing it over the bar like counter of the kitchen. ``Water?``

Distantly, something chimed in his head at the question about pizza, expression tightening in a way that suggested he wasn't sure he actually remembered something or not. "Is there something called..a Jubilee pizza?" It sounded ridiculous to him, and definitely not a specific type, as no certain ingredients jumped out at him in association. Following him inside, Ianto pulled up short, not in shock necessarily but just taking in the flat in appreciation. It definitely did seem to suit Jack, though something told him he probably didn't spend a lot of time there. Despite it appearing comfortable, it didn't look very lived-in either and especially nothing like an atypical bachelor pad. "Yes, please," In regard to the water, especially if he was going to be feeling the drink any more than he already was.

"No, but that is the name of the place we bought Pizza from all the time." Jack said with a smile, clearly pleased that he had asked. That was definitely not something he would have picked up traveling with the Doctor. "So how long were you in the TARDIS for before he brought you to me?"

Jack pulled out a couple of bottles of water and handed one over to Ianto. Indeed the place wasn't well lived in... but then again, after spending two years with Ianto, he had learned to clean up after himself as well. So it wasn't that he was never here, just that he wasn't here much. Ianto took the bottle of water gratefully, breaking the seal and taking a drink of it as he considered the question asked of him.

"A few days, it is hard to tell how many days pass when you're in there, and there was an issue with some aliens called Sontarans, it's why he was on Zeta 5 at all. The Zetians were being invaded. Someone there told him about me and he came and said he knew where I was from. I'm not sure how."

"I don't know either." Jack said thoughtfully. "Well no... I suppose he met you once, different face though, and he might have remembered you... I hear tell he never forgets a face."

Jack took a moment to order the Pizza from the normal place they got pizza from. He gestured for the other to follow him over and he sat on the couch, letting him chose how near or far to sit from Jack himself. Ianto wavered indecisively for a moment as Jack settled down on the couch, he paused before lowering down to the cushion adjacent him, not quite directly alongside him, but he wasn't pressing himself into the opposite arm to have intentional space between them, either. Whether or not he knew entirely why, he did feel more comfortable with him than he did apart, something for the time being he wrote off as a natural response to the confusion since he woke up in the hospice while his memories attempted to come back.

"Shit, the Sentarans were invading the Zetians... that's shitty... the Sentarans invaded here once too... be only barely managed to finish them off." He said thoughtfully. "And amazingly, no one remembers... I always do find it amusing how willing humans are to forget something happened."

"You talk about humans like you're not one. You can't die. Are .. you an alien?" Ianto didn't seem to be alarmed by the possibility, not like most people should be. It was strange to him how calm he seemed to be in the face of situations that would make most people react terribly.

"All I can really say is that I was born human." Jack said honestly to him, running his fingers back through his hair. "Other than that, I guess... I don't really know what I am... I was born in your future, the 51st century... I was a time traveler, I met the Doctor in WWII... and started traveling with him, I was killed by the Dalek in the year 50,000,000 and was brought back to life... and since then, I couldn't die."

Jack was watching the other's reactions, he had told Ianto all of this, and so much more when they were together, much to Owen's chagrin thinking Ianto was just a fuck, he had actually become someone very special to Jack a confidant. Ianto's eyes never shifted from the other's brilliant blue ones, listening intently as he spoke.

"Never die. How old are you? And not even if you are shot? Or blown up? Or just not from old age?" Jack didn't look old. Being perpetually frozen as a handsome young man didn't sound like a terrible fate; then again, Ianto had no way of knowing just how long it had gone on, much less how lonely it could be.

"I have been shot, and blown up..." Jack said looking at the other. "Burned at the stake, cut to ribbons, thrown off of buildings, electrocuted... I won't go on... but I am still here. I don't age... I don't die. I am technically around 2200 years old... but 1700 of that I spent buried alive, and 300 in cryogenics... so I have really only done about 200 years of living."

"You've just gone on alone all this time?" Ianto asked softly.

"No. Not all alone. I've had lovers; you were one of them... I've been married, had a daughter, a grandson..." Jack stopped talking, taking a breath, he had never told Ianto before about Alice and Steven, and he knew, he knew how much finding out about them broke Ianto's heart... he wasn't starting this again in lies. "And before you start wondering... you're not gay. You had a fiancée, Lisa... and you loved her with everything you were... you and I... just happened, and it was amazing." Jack said with a bit of a fond grin. "And I don't expect it to happen again... even if you do get your memory back, I want you to understand, I have no expectations."

The impact of the revelation about Jack's family was not nearly as potent just then (and it likely wouldn't have been even then had Jack not broken it on him so suddenly, particularly when Ianto had been insecure about their relationship in general). Nodding slowly, Ianto sank backward a small amount into the cushion rubbing his palms against his knees as he stared forward, mulling the words over carefully. "And that's what we were. Lovers?"The word didn't settle well with him. The twisting in his chest, the ache that had crawled into the pit of his heart as Jack spoke about his marriage, child, grandchild; those weren't normal responses to something that was just a lover to you. He didn't know the circumstances of the relationship though. The feelings could have been there for Ianto.

"Lovers? Eh." He said softly. "I don't know what to call what we were. I couldn't be everything you had wanted me to be. I couldn't be the one you spent your life with, grew old with, loved until the very end, and were buried with. I couldn't be a `life partner`... even if I had married you I couldn't do that...`` Jack said looking towards the window, his own thoughts left to that same day. ``I guess I always pushed you away because I thought you deserved better. And because I was afraid, afraid to let myself love again...`` He focused back on Ianto for a moment. "I go on, but I remember. Every moment... I never forget. You were always worried about that, but my mind is as fixed as my body... Everyone I have ever loved I remember, and I feel the pain of losing them, and it hurts... I guess I was trying to protect myself from that... and failed, miserably."

_In Ianto's mind, flash of a strange ceiling; square divisions, like what one would see in the ceiling of an office building. His vision was swimming dizzily and it took him a few moments of struggling - __**"Ianto! Look at me! Don't leave me!" **__- for a face, Jack's face to ease into focus. Jack was cradling his head, which was slightly uncomfortable because Ianto felt as if he was burning alive from the inside out, burning up with the sudden fever that the virus had brought on. "I -" __**"Don't speak. Save your breath." **__"..I love you." Jacks eyes had misted with sudden tears. __**"Don't."**_

Jack's eyes focused again as he realized something was not quite right. Ianto was always a quiet listener, but he could tell that something else was at work. He moved a bit closer to Ianto, bringing his head down enough to see his face. "Ianto? Are you alright?"

Swallowing roughly, Ianto's head ducked forward, turning just enough that Jack couldn't see his face, blinking rapidly until the images bled into his mind's eye again, searing pain and terror of that moment along with them. "I.. need to go check on Rhiannon. She thinks I'm dead." His voice was heavy, face remaining away but Jack had not yet said his sister's name.

Jack's hand came up and tipped the other's head upward. When Ianto said his sister's name Jack blinked some. `"Rhia thinks she buried you Ianto... how are you going to explain this to her?" He said before canting his head some. "Wait... I never told you her name."


End file.
